Nick-Names

I'm not sure if it's just me and my friends, or everyone that enjoys baseball, but I find it's nice to assign my own nick-names to the players. And I'm not too bad at it, either. So while I'm watching the Cubs, let me go through a few of my better ones.
Derrick Lee - Wu Tang
This was a good one. Here's my stereotype based thinking. Derrick is a typically Black first name. Lee is a very Asian last name. In addition, he grew up living in Japan. So that's 2 blendings of Black and Asian. And who is more famous for blending those 2 cultures than....The Wu-Tang Clan! And it passes the key test of being a fun one to yell out and chant. Cause what good is a clever nick-name if you sound stupid while saying it?!

Aramis Ramirez - Spyder
This one wasn't clever. I couldn't think of anything good, I'd had a few Buds, and I figured that every team needs to have a guy with the nick-name Spyder. And Aramis just seemed to wear it well.

Todd Walker - Muzzle
I have to give props to my fallen ex-roommate Jack for this one. it was mostly him. If not completely him. But Walker seems to grow facial hair b/t innings. He has a constant stuble going on at all times. So we'd joke about him shaving in the dugout and such all the time. Funny stuff when you're drinking.

Michael Barrett - Catfish
Look at him. He just looks like a guy that'd have that name. Just looks like a nice catfish-lovin' southern boy. And being a catcher, he has roughly the same speed as a catfish. And again, it's just fun to call a guy catfish. Try it sometime.

Jerry Hairson Jr. - Ricky
Long one here. Hairston --> Hair --> the musical Hair --> which I confuse with HairSpray --> which starred Ricki Lake. Thus....Ricky. And when he does good, I yell it out like the mom in Boyz in da Hood. Which then makes my girlfriend get mad at me and makes her cry. As she puts it, she's emotionable. So moments like that make her cry forever.

Latroy Hawkins - The Falcon of Black Death
This is from my boys out in Denver. They gave him this one. The Falcon part is from his name (HAWKins). And he is a very dark black man, thus Black Death. Well, when he was a good pitcher he was Black Death for the hitter. Lately he's just been Black Death for his own team.

Kevin Millar - BattleCat
I'm not 100% sure of the origins of this one. It was from when Jack and I were drinking heavily and watching alot of RedSox games. So it's a bit fuzzy. But it seemed to center around him and David Ortiz. Ortiz was the better hitter, so he was like He-Man. But Millar was still quite good that year. Definately no slouch. So I believe that was where it came out of. Cause BattleCat could throw down when he needed to on the show. He'd normally just be around doing his thing until He-Man needed him. Then it was on. Kinda like Ortiz and Millar.

Matt Murton - MadMan
The red hair, the big legs, the effort. He just looks a little crazy. And it's a bit of a tongue-twister to say MadMad Matt Murton real fast. But not stupid-sounding. Just hard to say. But he hasn't really lived up to the name this year, so it may have to change.

That's all I can think of right now. I'm sure there's more, but I'm typically drinking when these are created, and now that some of players have moved on I can no longer remember them. I'll try harder from now on.
PEACE!!

Group Roles

So I had some time to think friday afternoon while driving to NYC. And I started to think about various group dynamics and peoples' various roles in a group. And I realized it really is very similar to a baseball team. Look at a good group out for a night on the town and you'll see what I mean. A baseball team has some important parts. Lead-off hitter, power-hitters, pitchers, etc. And each hitter has a job to do. If they aren't doing their job, the line-up suffers. And certain hitters are better at different things. When you force a guy to do a job he's not very good at the line-up will suffer. So a good line-up gets every role taken care of by the hitters that are best suited for that role. How is a group the same way? Let's check out a couple key people.

The Planner
They are like the lead-off hitter of the group. If they are having an off night, you'll find yourself at alot of bars you don't want to be at. And staying at bad bars too long. Sure, anyone can be a planner, but some people are just better at it. They are blessed with the ability to forge a plan everyone will enjoy, and then get everyone to follow it.

The Censor
While no one likes this person, they are the reason you don't get kicked out of more bars. They've mastered not only the skill of getting drunk people to settle down, but also talking bouncers into letting the group stay. Without a Censor around, parties and gatherings can quickly get really out of hand. While some funny stories often result, you don't want to be the main character in any of these.

That Guy
Maybe it's just cause I fill this roll so often, but I feel every good group has someone that's constantly pushing the limits. Getting loud, getting a little rowdy, drinking a little too much. Nothing obscene, just pushing the envelope a little. Offensive comments, removal of clothing, general frat-boy type behavior.

The Closer
This is the guy that ends the night. They typically do something so awful that you know it's just time to leave. That Guy pushes things, but not to this extent. The Closer lets the entire group know that they've had enough fun for 1 night. Pay the check, get them into a cab, and start getting your stories ready for those that weren't there. You'll likely find them being pinned down by bouncers, peeing on buildings, or any number of other terrible ideas.

Classy Lassy
Not always a girl, but a funny name. This is the person that lends credibility to your group. You may have a bunch of social devients, but if you've got at least 1 classy person you're all set. Suddenly your whole group seems slightly better. Like the rest of you are better for just being around that person. Down-side...that person can easily seem like a buzz kill. To outsiders and to your own group. Everyone else is ripping it up, they're sitting quietly sipping a martini. But most classy ones are the social types that draw new people in.

That about wraps it up. If you've got more, shoot me an email and let me know. If I get enough new roles, I'll put up a version 2 of this. Or maybe we can try to put out a baseball line-up of the people. Match each character up with a position. That'd be fun.
PEACE!!

It's FRIDAY!!!!!

Sweet, sweet Friday. No day of the week makes me happier than Friday. It's my weekly 'first day of spring' so to speak. I just carry a feeling an invincibility all day long. Cause no matter how bad work gets, pretty soon it's time to go home and it doesn't matter any more! And I usually get a little extra coffee to celebrate, which only fuels my joy.
But alas, there is a dark cloud hanging over this friday. I'll be driving to NYC tonight to see Hayley. Why is that a dark cloud you ask? It's the friday afternoon before memorial day weekend. That's why. So every moron and half-wit will be out there on the road with me. The MassPike will be like a zoo. The State Troopers will all be out there in jump suits walking around with metal buckets full of meat and fish. Occationally lobbing a chunk into the middle of a pack of cars to watch people pile on it. They'll have a guy in a crane dangling fish over the road to see who can do huge flipping jumps and grab it. There will be a huge block of ice in the puddle in the ditch next to the road so the Canadian motorists can jump in to keep cool. They'll also have a giant rubber ball to play with. There'll be troopers luring people out of their cars with meat just so other troopers can run in with a hose and brooms and clean out their cars without getting mauled. In the rest stops, there'll just be people climbing ropes and flinging poo at the windows.
It'll be a good time. I'll have my Cubs game on XM to keep me company, so I'll be fine. And I've got plenty of CDs in my car (didn't learn my lesson from the WRX incident, obviously).

Idiots on the Road
So apparently yesterday was 'Idiot Day' on the roads. A simple drive home on a Thursday evening became an exercise in restraint. I just got the feeling that people were sitting in their homes around 5:30, realized it was a nice day, and decided to just go for a nice leisurely drive. Just in case other people wanted to get home from work and relax. No sense making it easy on them! So I spent my drive trying to navigate around morons that need to learn basic driving skills. Not what I needed when I was tired and hungry and just wanted to get home and chill out. Oh well.

The New PC
For all that care, the PC build is still going very well. I did learn that XP cannot be loaded up on more than 1 PC. You have to register it on-line to activate it, thus killing any chance you had of sharing it. I'm sure there are ways to get around that, but why? I've come this far, why try to cheat my way out of a $100 operating system? So I've got my own x64 coming in the mail.
And I plan on completely starting over when it gets here and doing the hard-drive partitioning correctly. It's not a big deal, but it's annoying and it bothers me. Why not at least get off on the right foot.
So once the new XP-64 is loaded up, I can finish loading up the new drivers to work with my 64-bit processor. Everything works, but not at full capacity yet. There are plenty of special features that I can't access yet, as the stock drivers only work in 32-bit. But that should all be rectified shortly.

Opie and Anthony
They had a fantastic filler clip when they went to commercial today. When CBS forcing them into a frequent and long commerical break, us XM listeners get to hear outstanding clips from shows past. Today they had one where they were ragging on a guy for having really sweaty pits. A few gems, in no particular order:

-I keep waiting for him to lift his arms and see the 5 Yates children fall out. How did it feel when Andrea Parked her minivan on your chest?
-How about when Susan Smith drove right into your arm pits?
-What was Scott Peterson doing in your arm pit on Christmas Eve?
-If Jesus wanted to walk across his bed, he'd have to get Eric to lift his arms first
-There's a couple of black guys standing on his nipples waiting for the helicoptor to come and rescue them.

Priceless. I can't recommend the show enough. If you're not listening to it now, start. Give it a week and see what you think. If you don't find it horribly funny, drive out here so I can punch you in the nuts. You clearly don't have a sense of humor and need to be made the butt of jokes. I say to give it a week, as even the greatest shows ever have an off day or 2. But they do some fantastic radio in the morning. They can actually make me laugh out loud on my drive to work. And this is a point in the day where I'm still angry at my alarm clock for waking me up. I'm not a friendly person for the first couple hours I'm awake. Not that I'm friendly for the rest of the day, but that's not my point. Sober Me is not really a great person. Drunk Me is the fun guy. The sober one is just mean and vindictive and out to stick it to other people because he feels slighted by the world. Hayley feels this is a sign of alcoholism. I feel it's just being comfortable with who I am.

Okay, I'm out.
PEACE!!

Random Garbage

Cubs

Ahhh the Cubs. I have officially down-graded my expectations back to where they were when I was growing up. I still feel they are going to win the World Series, that's a given, but when watching a game I no longer expect a win. I'm just happy I'm watching a game and relaxing. Why get wrapped up in winning and losing?!
So if you didn't notice, we blew another game against the Marlins. 2 in a row! It's even worse considering that the Marlins are a team of rookies and children. Half their roster can't even drink yet. Hell, the guy that got the game winning hit had to hurry home and finish studying for his geometry final! In the locker room after big games they pop the cork on some sparkling white cider and spray it around. People have to bring in notes from their parents for the late games so they can stay out past curfew. On the road games they use the buddy system so no one gets left behind when they have to move from the plane to the bus to the stadium. The 2nd-baseman got lost once and all hell broke loose. Parents threatening to sue, a player curled up in the corner of the airport in tears cause he was lost. Good thing a nice lady walked by and helped him out. Bought him some orange juice and walked him over to the security desk. In the April day-games you'd have guys running around with their mittens pinned to their jerseys so they wouldn't lose them!
But I can't place all the blame on our closer, Ryan Dempster. We've been so bad recently that he really has only gotten a few save situations over the last month. You can't expect your closer to be razor sharp when they aren't getting regular work. Couple saves a week at least. He's getting a couple a month. It's pitiful, but totally not his fault. So for now, I'm just going to have to settle for being happy I get to watch Cubs game (over the 'net) and relax. Today I'll be watching at work, but don't tell anyone. Flip b/t work and game.

Geese at Work
Canadian Geese. Those harbingers of dirtiness. I hate them so. Every time I see one I feel like running it down with car to spare our parking lot from at least a small amount of goose shit. It's even worse while playing baseball. I'm standing there in center field just knowing that if I have to dive after a ball I'll be rolling around in goose crap in all its toxic glory. I might as well just pick up a handfull and rub it into my skin to get it over with.
And they can quickly destroy small ponds with their crap. It raises the coliform levels sharply and kills everything off. And I've read their crap has a toxic chemical in it, but I'll be damned if I can remember the details.
Not to mention the ever present danger of being attacked by one of the idiot birds 'defending' their chicks. So it becomes a pain to even walk around the parking lot. Having to dodge goose shit AND marauding birds. Some days I really do feel like putting on some leather gloves and seeing how many geese I can choke with my bare hands. Sure I'd take some bites, but it'd probably be worth every wound. And yes, I'm aware that I'm a sick and demented person.

Magazines At Work
Last, but of course not least, the magazine selection in the cafeteria at work. We've got a big book/magazine rack in the cafe. Most of the items on it are old magazines that people have brought in from home instead of throwing them out. It's a great idea. Except that work doesn't supply any magazines to the pile, and no one is really bringing anything in any more. So it's just the same things that have been up there for probably a year now. As much fun as it is to read SI's predictions for the 2005 MLB play-offs, I'd rather read something current. I really only read for about 10 minutes in the morning while I wait for Jake to buy/assemble his breakfast. So it's not a big problem for me. But when you find yourself reading a 6-month-old copy of Health (women's health magazine), you know you need to do something. I'm actually going to start bringing in my old copies of PopSci and Popular Mechanics. I'm done with them, maybe someone else can get a little joy out of reading them.

Okay, time to roll. TI is going to bless us with their presence at work today, so we have to be on our best behavior. Which for me will involve not swearing loudly or yelling things across the hall to Jake. Or listening to metal loudly on my speakers. I think I can do 2/3. And 2/3 is pretty good when you really think about it.
PEACE!!

Seat Belt Laws

Here is a topic that I got into a 'discussion' over during the pub crawl with Mark's buddy Chris. He is again all seat belt laws in general. This one I want some feedback on. Comments, emails, semifore, whatever. I want to see how people feel.
He feels the government has no right to tell him he has to use a device that is know to save lives. Hey, whatever floats your boat. I, however, am a fan of seat belt laws. But not for the obvious reasons. It goes like this...
(purely fictional story)
I'm driving to work. I take a sip of coffee and the lid pops off, spilling hot coffee in my lap. Like any other human being, I freak out and my car swerves while I"m on I-93. I cut off an SUV who has to swerve in turn. They're not wearing their seatbelt and their SUV rolls over once. They get ejected from the vehicle because of it, resulting in some pretty bad injuries.
Now then, my stance is that I should not be held accountable for any injuries that could have been prevented with the use of a seatbelt. In this case, all of them. They chose to break the law and not wear their seat belt, thus accepting the risk of suffering injuries that won't be covered by insurance.
So the determining factor in what is covered by the accident-causing person's insurance is determining what injuries would have happened had they been wearing their seat belt. Anything beyond that will have to be paid by someone else. This will also cut down on people over-suing for things. If you know your own premium will be affected by your frivalous law-suit, you won't start it. And if you know you'll have to pay dearly for not wearing your seat belt, you'd wear it. It's such a simple thing and can save lives. Why can't people just stop being complete morons and wear a seat belt?!
Obviously if this was a state that did not have seat belt laws, this arguement is null and void. Then people are on they're own if they cause an accident.
So fire some comments back at me and let me know what you think.

The Pub Crawl

Well, I have to say that the pub crawl was another overwhelming success. Got off to an inauspicious start, but quicly got into prime form. I'm not going to retell the entire night, as that would just be boring. And my memory is a little fuzzy, making it difficult for me to do this alone.
First off, Tom (from work) got kicked out of Whiskey's. It was our 3rd bar on the tour, and it was likely only about 9pm. Apparently the bar-tender girl thought he'd had too many. Even those he was one of the more sober people in the group. So she cut him off. Upon learning this, we collected up the group cause it was time to go. And while people were finishing up their drinks a bouncer actual came over and told him he had to get out. Right now. So we exited stage left. And because this was so bizarre and completely out of character for Tom, we shall bust his chops about this forever. And it was just comic as he wasn't drunk and wasn't being obnoxious. 2 things I clearly was doing and I didn't get cut off.
While the night was outstanding, there isn't a whole lot that would be funny being retold. You really had to be there to enjoy most of the rest. The pictures are funny, but probably only to us.
So I shall skip ahead to my departure. 'Round about 12, I realize that it's about 1/2 pint past stopping time for me. So I promptly cut myself off. Then realize that it's 12am and I need to make the 'leave now and catch the T or stay and pay $25 for a cab' decision. Things are winding down so I choose T. Say my goodbyes and I'm out the door by about 12:15. I now have what I'm sure is only 36 minutes to get to my T stop (Government Center - Blue Line) to catch the last train. I then realize I don't know exactly where I am. I know roughly where I am, but not enough so in my current state to determine the most direct route. So I waste 5 minutes figuring that out. But then I walk to Commonwealth Ave, which will get me most of the way there. But I'm not sure which way is East, and I can't see any buildings. So I start walking in hopes I chose wisely. 2 blocks later I find out I didn't. Time's ticking away, so after a quick 180, I'm power walking my way down the street. I'm sure nothing is funnier to a sober person than a drunk guy power walking across town in their not-so-strait style. But after I passed a guy with no shirt on, I felt better knowing I wasn't the drunkest person out.
So I make it there by 12:45, 6 minute to spare. I then learn that "12:51 Last Train" doesn't really mean the last train leaves at 12:51. It means the last train pulls in at 1am and leaves at 1:15. So all that power walking for nothing. But to hell with it. I'm on my train, I have a horse racing newspaper, and I'm 80% sure I can make it without hurling.
2 stops later, an even drunker guy gets on. Preppy looking in his kackis and teal polo shirt. Looked a bit out of place on this train at this time of night, but whatever. Sits down right next to me (of course) and proceeds to just plant his face in his hands and pass out. After scooting my leg over in case he hurls, I settle back in to reading and watching for my stop. As we pull out of the stop before mine, a shady-looking hispanic guy sits down across from drunk guy. Now, I'm not saying this guy was trouble. I know a few people that look shady that are great guys. But odds are that shady-looking people on the T at 1:30am are potential trouble.
He wakes up drunk guy and asks him if he knows where he's going and where he lives. Drunk's answer: "I live in Cambridge, I'm on the red line." Reality: He's on the blue line heading to Revere, away from Cambridge. See this map:
http://www.mbta.com/traveling_t/schedules_subway.asp
We're approaching Orient Heights on the blue line. Which is in the East Boston/Revere area. Not one of the best areas in Boston. Definately not a place to get lost when you're really drunk and it's 2am. Cambridge is off of the red line, stops such as Harvard.
So now drunk guy is asking me what stop is next and of course he doesn't understand why my answer makes no sense to him. So he just keeps asking me. 'Orient Heights' doesn't make sense to him, as he's probably never been out here before and still thinks he's on the red line. As we pull into O.H., shady guy tells him to just get off with him at the next stop and he'll find him a cab. After checking to make sure he could afford one. Maybe this guy was actually a nice guy and helping him out. Or maybe preppy boy was about to be mugged and left on the sidewalk. Like I said, Revere at 2am is not the best place to be and either option is possible. I didn't read anything awful in the news, so I assume it was option #1.
So I get off, and start my 2.5 mile walk home. I LOVE this walk. Drunk walking is awesome. I *could* pay $0.75 and just take the bus, but the walk is awesome. And I spend most of it talking to Hayley. I get home, flip on the TV real quick to check scores and such while I get ready for bed. It's 2:15am and I have to get up for baseball at 8am. So I don't plan on being up long. Which is when I flip past M*A*S*H. Never do this when you've been drinking. Never. I was up til 3am before I finally had the strength to turn it off.
Thus ends Bar Crawl 2006 for me. I just wish my story-telling was as good as my story-making. Cause I just can't do the events justice here. But I hope you still enjoyed it.
PEACE!!!

Racial Issues? De-Juiced Balls?

Racial Issues
I was watching SportsCenter this morning when they showed a clip of one of the Duke Lacrosse players walking into the court building place. (yes, I have the vocab skills of a 7-year-old) They were a bunch of bunch of activists there from what was described as a Black Panther group taunting him. From what I've heard, this attack was in no way racially motivated. I could be wrong, but I have yet to hear that being tossed around. Yes, it was a black girl that got (allegedly) raped. But that doesn't mean it was racial. They could just of easily raped a white girl. But because it was a black girl and white guys, it suddenly becomes a race issue and all kinds of groups have to jump in. If it had been a white girl and black guys, would it be acceptable for the local KKK chapter to show up and taunt them? And if the white girl had gotten raped, do you think we'd be having rallies about white-on-white crime?
Now then, if it turns out that this was a racially-based event, then nevermind. The Black Panther guys have every right to be there making their accusations. But that's a big if at this point.
It just seems to me that any time a crime occurs that involves a white person and a minority, it's suddenly a racial issue. Just because a minority was involved, doesn't mean that had anything to do with it. Maybe the aggressor wasn't a bigot and just views everyone as an equal target. If you're going to rape a stripper, do you really have to care what color she is? Of course not.
I will say this...the minorities have every right to be wary in American. We have a long history of abuse towards minorities here. Slavery being the most blatant. But we've put down Native Americans, Irish, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, you name it. Any other group that comes here is liable to be hated by some group of idiots here. So I can understand their concern. But they just need to be a little more careful about when they start making their blanket acqusations. Take a little time and try to figure out if it was a racial issue before the protests start. Otherwise, you just water-down the effects. We'll never know which rallies are legit and which ones are just a reflex. I want to be supportive, I just don't want to jump to conclusions about people.

De-Juiced Balls
I read a funny conspiracy theory yesterday. It was presented as a joke, but it's still funny. It involves Bonds and the newly marked baseballs from MLB. His numbers, while never good, have greatly dropped off since hitting #713. Which coincides with MLB using the specially marked baseballs to commemerate #714. So the theory is that MLB had the balls de-juiced, making it even harder for him to hit them out. Personally, I think it'd be funny if it was true. Selig doing something so clearly unethical and immoral to get back at a player who blatantly cheated and lied about it. He used steriods and admitted it. Didn't know what he was putting on/in his body. Bullshit. No pro athelete just blindly uses a product like that. Their bodies are their whole lives. I can go to work cripled and injuried. Atheletes can't. I just don't believe a word coming out of his fat, juiced-up mouth. Jerk.

New Computer
Well, the new PC is up and running smoothly. I still need to get a few 64-bit drivers, but everything works. I did mess up the drive partitioning, but that's not a big deal. We set aside 40GB to be used for all the set-up stuff, then didn't set up Windows correctly to use it. I *may* just completely scrap it and start over. I have to get my own version of XP-64, as M'Soft has blocked people from using in on multiple PCs. So when I get that I may just start over. I really don't have alot of things loaded up on here, so it wouldn't be so bad. Probably a good 1/2 day job, but that's not bad considering it'll make me happy forever. And really drive home that learning experience.
Okay, my DSL keeps getting interrupted by this lightning storm, so I'm out. I'll just watch the BoSox, have a few adult beverages, and go to bed early to get ready for tomorrows festivities. Festivities which will be documented here.
PEACE!!

One more thing

Shameless request...
If you like what you read, leave some comments. Or shoot me an email at qmerica@hotmail.com. Make sure you put a reference to the blog in the subject in case my spam filter picks it off.
I'm interested to hear if people are enjoying my rantings, and if they have other topics they'd like to hear my views on. I have a view on pretty much everything, and most are pretty retarded and bizarre.
So give up the feedback. The more you give, the better I can make this!

Another Bad Drinking Story!!!

My buddy Mark reminded me of another great story last night while we were building my PC. So I shall tell that one now. This will be kind of long, as there is alot of history and little bits that need to be told to really understand it all.
Without Spilling a Drop

There is a local brewery here in Boston, Harpoon Brewery. They make some fantastic beers. They also have 3 (used to be 4) large 2-day events at the brewery. They set up a huge outdoor tent with a stage for bands, huge fenced-in area behind the brewery with food, games, another stage for bands, etc. Huge events. And I do my damnest to never miss them. I've had to miss a few recently, and always because of Hayley. (Just another way she's subtly trying to change me...but I digress). They are always a great time, and you always leave with great stories. Plus, we are positive they spike the beers. You get drunk much faster there than anywhere else. So they have to be doing something.
So there it is, December of 2003. We've got a good crew going to Harpoon, with expectations of meeting up with another group. The key people in our circle are Mark, myself, Hayley, and Mark's friend Kevin "Donkey Kong" O'Brien. Add in a few extras, and we've got a good 6-8 people with us. The plan is to meet up with Hayley's friend from work, Kristen, and her peeps. Kristin and I are good friends. We get along great. And one of our little things is our pretend flirting. It's pretend, because we're both in happy relationships and Hayley is typically there while we do it. Along with Kristen is her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend. But not Kristen's boyfriend.
(I know, this is boring, but necessary).
The key side-plot is thus: Kristen had lunch with an ex-boyfriend that week. Her current boyfriend, not a big fan of that. So the 2 of them are not doing really well at this point. Tentions are high. Her roommate's boyfriend is friends with Kristen's boyfriend. And is apparently playing the roll of protective hommie. This guy will be referred to as Jocko MeatHead from now on. To explain....
Jocko MeatHead refers to any one of those guys we all know from high school. The jocks that really only had sports going for them, and their lives went nowhere after high school. But they obviously still work out an awful lot and love to show it off. Tight shirts, open shirts, walking around with a strut. And they are still the same cocky jerks they always were. Most also like to get into bar fights to prove how manly and tough they are. Essentially, guys that need to get a clue and grow up a little bit. And lay off the 'roids.

So there we all are at Harpoon. Drinking and having a merry time. I'm in prime form after a few drinks and am pretty much Capt. Social. Working the 2 groups, having a blast. And of course there is the occational play-flirting with Kristen. Putting an arm around her waist if I'm standing next to her, lewd and/or suggestive comments, etc. All in good fun. But apparently Jocko MeatHead doesn't like this. He needs to step in and stick up for his boy! So towards the end of the night he makes his move. I'm back from the beer counter with a fresh pint. I stop by Kristen's circle on the way back to chat. Throw an arm around Kristen's shoulders as I always do. Jocko, comes over and pushes my arm off of her. Telling me "you don't want to do that, man." I'm sure he's just kidding around and all, so I laugh and put it right back. And he knocks it off again, a little more threateningly. So, in my current drunken state, and given the fact that I'm NOT a meathead, I have no idea what is really happening. I'm 100% sure that he's just playing around. A little fake macho thing to see who'll crack first. So I start talking a little shit, trying to get him to finally laugh so we can go back to being normal again. Not working. Hmmm...he's a tough one. I'm laughing my ass off, but still determined to get him to crack. So more shit gets talked. Still nothing. Man, this guy is good!
Donkey Kong is watching this entire exchange knowing full well what's happening. And laughing about it. And waiting for that pivotal moment when it all goes too far....
So, I'm running out of material and losing interest in this thing. The fake macho is only funny for so long, then it's just annoying. So it was time to end it. I look over at my pint glass, full to the rim with beer, gather my composure, and say in a perfectly serious manner:
"Yeah? I could go outside, take care of you, and not spill a drop of this beer."
The worlds had barely left my mouth when suddenly Kevin was between us. "Dude, he's not kidding around about this. I know you are, but he's not". The smile slowly leaves my face as I begin to understand. He's not being fake macho, he's being real macho. This guy in his tight t-shirt, about 5 ft tall and 5ft wide, was actually trying to start shit with me. Which would be easy for him, as I'm drunk enough that a gentle push would knock me over. But now I'm angry that a damn Jocko MeatHead is here and ruining my fun. He has no idea what Kristen and I's friendship is like. None. And I just don't like those guys to start with. He's pissed that some drunk asshole was flirting with his buddy's girl and then totally calling him out. I'm pulled back to our circle, he's pulled back to his. Hayley gets to play mediator and find out what's going on. I'm settled after about 3 minutes and am ready to go back to normal, like it didn't happen at all. But he's not. So now, the groups have to remain seperate all because of one macho asshole that needs to get a life.
That pretty much killed the buzz for their group, but only dented ours. And we drank that dent out pretty quickly. And then we had the ultimate revenge that none of us are MeatHeads. That's reward enough.
Thus ends the very famous..."I could take care of you and not spill a drop of this beer" encounter.

In closing, I'd like to encourage our younger reads to avoid alcohol. I know my last 2 stories involved heavy drinking and may have been funny. But if you think about it, both could have ended really poorly. With 2 brawls and possibly a shooting. And there is nothing funny about that. So stay away from the sauce, kids. If you need more reasons, just keep reading. I'll eventually tell more stories of the terrible (and funny) things that happen to drunk people.

PEACE!!!

Another Old Story!!!

I just remembered a funny story from a few years back. This story is known as...
The Time my Girlfriend Almost Got Me Shot
So there we were, Hayley, my buddy Mark, and myself. We had been out and about on the town. Drinking and partying and what not. We're walking back to Hayley's place and goofing around on the walk. Hayley and I engage in a little play fight, as we're both drunk. But then she smacks me right in the side of the head.
Sidebar: I hate getting hit in the head. A shot to the nuts pisses me off less than a head shot. It's really the only thing that sets me off. I've taken accidental shots to the groin and just laughed about it once I was able to stand. But head-shots....
Hayley doesn't even realize she did it, as she claims it was not intentional. To this day I wonder. Anyways...I'm angry, but determined to not let that kill my drunken state. So we continue on walking and enjoying ourselves. Laughing, joking, stumbling, all having a great time. For whatever reason, we repeat our little play fight when we're a couple blocks from her place. And guess what! Hayley cracks me upside the head again, pretty hard. Now I'm convinced it's intentional and I'm mad. So I fall back on my old wrestling skills and quickly lay her gently on the ground. But I'm angry and refuse to let her get up. She has no idea I'm angry and is just laughing about it all, which isn't helping.
So there's her trying to stand up, me pushing her down when she tries to get, and Mark standing by watching the entire thing. Which is when things go wrong. We're doing this on a fairly busy street in an area that's not the greatest part of Boston. It's far from bad, but known for having the occational street brawls and stabbings/shootings. Paul Pierce, of Celtics fame, got stabbed in a night club not far from where we were. So 3 guys in a mid-90s teal Chevy Cavalier pull up. Actual dialog....
Strange Guys: "What's up, you guys beating up a woman now?!"
Mark, pointing directly at them from 5 yards away: "Mind your own fucking business!!!"
I'm only vaguely aware this is going on, as I'm pissed off and focused on pushing Hayley down without actually hurting her. The car promptly swerves to the curb and 2 guys jump out. Now Hayley is yelling "They're pulling over. They're pulling over!!" Cause she can see what's going on here, while Mark and I can't. So I let her up and she quickly gets b/t the 2 groups trying to explain what was going on and how it was all okay. Mark and I are drunk and also trying to explain, but doing a poor job. The guys are clearly pissed about being talked to as they were, but Hayley succeeds in getting them to back off. And as the guys are getting back in their car, the one fires off the key remark: "You guys are lucky. I should just cap the both of you." And we could all tell he not only has a gun, but wouldn't really hesitate to use it. Just a feeling you get.
So we get back to Hayley's, Mark heads on his merry way back to his place. At this point Hayley and I get into a fight over the head shots. Big one, cause we're both drunk. But this isn't the important/funny part of the night, so I shall end things here.
Moral of the story: Don't hit me in the f'n head!!
Now I know, this story makes me seem like a terrible person. But I was hammered and she kept hitting me in the head. And I went out of my way to not hurt her, so back off. And it's a good thing Hayley never reads my blog, like she should, as she probably wouldn't appreciate my re-telling of it :) But the hell with that!
PEACE!!

p.s. Hayley was so sorry/upset she was prepared to sleep on her own couch while I got the bed. It was a small victory for every guy that's been forced to sleep on the couch for something that wasn't really his fault. She did come back to bed eventually, and all was well.

40 days and 40 night

Well well well. Looks like it high time I built myself an arc. I'm sure everyone by now has heard about the terrible flooding and rain problems were having up here in New England. It's really bad. I've been here for just over 5 years and I've never seen anything even close to this. Granted that's not a long time. But long enough to see what is in the realm of normal. We don't even get this much rain during the hurricane season! We'll get a few days in a row when the tail end of a 'cane blows by, but that's about it. Luckily for me, my little shore town isn't flooding too badly. The low spots are filling up, but being right on the water helps to keep the flooding down.
However, all the time trapped inside over the weekend gave me some time to think about ways to adapt to the increase in water. It looks like in a couple weeks the entire area will be under-water. I'll need to have a plan in place to survive in that new and foreign world.

1) The easiest would be to steal some of the Ducks from the Boston Duck Tour people. Of course, they just stole the concept of their tour from the Wisconsin Dells, so stealing from them would be morally okay. I'd really be doing my homeland of the MidWest a favor! Here's a link to the Dells' tour in case you don't know what a Duck is:
http://www.wisconsinducktours.com/

2) Grow gills. Now I know this sounds crazy. And it sounded crazy to me when the bottle of Budweiser started talking to me and suggested it. But then his 8 empty buddies joined the conversation. They really laid out a low-risk plan for growing gills. I have a hard time remembering all of the details, but it centered around rigging the microwave to operate with the door open. And jamming a Sam Adams bottle somewhere that I'm not sure I want to talk about. I wonder if Kevin Costner had to do the thing with the bottle for the movie. Maybe that's why his acting was so terrible.

3) Moving to higher ground. While this idea does sound intriging, I'd rather not move. My TV is a beast to get up and down a flight of stairs, and now I have a washer and drier to move. The whole idea just reeks of effort.

4) Stealing a riverboat casino. While I do hate moving, I love fishing and gambling. And what better place can you do both of those?! Obviously there are some serious roadblocks in this plan. Like how to get the casino all the way to my house. By the time that's possible, I may not care any more. And are the dealers going to be cool with living in random places? Would I have to catch my own shrimp cocktail? How much of a support structure would a helipad require? The high-rollers gotta get in somehow!

Clearly, I need to find some better plans. Cause the most promising of these is the gills plan. I also need to start getting out more. If only the outside world wasn't such a strange and frightening place...
PEACE!!

Deep Thoughts

Not really. Just more random garbage that rattles around in my head.
Delmon Young
For those that still don't know, this guy is a top prospect for the Tampa Bay Devilrays. He was the idiot that called called out on strikes, thrown out of the game by the ump, then chucked his bat at the ump. Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wW0tuz3_Hgc
It'd be funny if the ump couldn't have been seriously hurt. He wasn't, but that's just dumb luck.
Anyways, Delmon just got handed a 50 game suspention. In my mind, that's too light. At no point has he ever shown any real remorse for the incident. He's given a few half-hearted apologies and that's it. He's had problems in the past with umpires, and it's clear he'll do it again. He should have been banned for the rest of the season for this shit. That ump could have been seriously injured by that bat. It's not like he pushed him, or even threw a punch. This was borderline assualt and battery with a deadly weapon. If Jason Kendall can be suspending for 4 games for just charging the mound, Young needs at least a season.

Hips Don't Lie
I have 2 problems with that new Shakira song. First off, hips do lie. My girlfriends hips lie to me all the time. They're constantly inviting me to grab them and give it to Hayley right proper. Every time I see her hips they're like "Hey big boy. Why don't you get over here and have a go at it. You should just grab ahold of us and let Hayley have it. You know she wants it, too." When in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. And then I wind up just looking like a little horn-ball cause I'm constantly trying to get some. Fantastic.
Second, now one of the great credos in sports sounds gay. It's the first thing you learn in football when they teach you how to tackle. Hips don't lie. As in, if you watch the ball-carrier's hips, you won't get faked out. You can do a head fake, a shoulder fake, etc. But wherever the hips go, that's where he's going. I'm sure the same principle has been used in any man-to-man sport. That's why I'm a good defender in soccer. I have no real soccer skills, but I'm fast and I know how to track a guy. He can do all the silly ball fakes he wants. I just watch his hips and wait for the opening. As soon as the hips turn you know where he's going and you can beat him there and take the ball. But now anytime a football coach uses that line it's going to sound gay.

Meso Pretty
This is a good one. My roommate Anna just got a new bar of soap. (Yes, I live with an engaged chick) On the bar is actually stamped "Meso Pretty". Now I picture her getting up every morning all depressed and sad. "No one likes me and I'm just a dumb girl." Then getting to the bathroom and reading her soap. "Me so pretty. Yeah, I am pretty! I'm the prettiest girl in the world!" It's like a daily affirmation. Cause she's smart enough, she's good enough, and dog-gone it people like her.
By the way, no one tell her about this or she'll kick my ass. She's mean. No...fiesty.

Computer Build
Well, all the parts for my impending PC build have been ordered. No idea when I'll actually get them, but it should be early next week. Then I can start putting it together. Never built up a PC from scratch, so this should be pretty fun. I'll be sure to photo-document the precedings as it goes along. And all of the terribleness that ensues.

Okay, time to work for a little bit. My boss likes when I do that sometimes. Other times he just likes me to stay out of trouble. And I'll have a little story about that soon. Just waiting for the saga to end before I tell it.....so stay tuned!
PEACE!!

Cookie Dough Ice Cream

Okay, I just have to rant about this. So last week I get a sudden craving for cookie dough ice cream. It's rare for this to happen, but when it does I need to get some.
I live next door to a quickie mart, so I figure this will be easy. They have a cooler with ice cream right inside the front door! Open it up, nothing. They have like 3 flavors of ice cream, none of which are even close. In fact, none of them are remotely good. If you're going to only carry 3 flavors, why these?! Mint chocolate chip, peach, and something from Ben&Jerry's that I'd never heard of before.
But I'm not concerned, it's a quickie mart. What did I expect?! So I go home, grab my keys, and drive over to the little local grocery store in town. Good ole' Winthrop Market will hook me up. They don't have alot of variety, but they've got the basics. There we go, chocolate, vanilla, reverse the curse, mint, chocolate chip, okay where is the cookie dough?! So now I'm standing there with the door open, staring into the cooler like an idiot. Cause I'm convinced it's there and I'm just missing it. So I'm reading them all over and over again, not ready to admit they don't have it. Then I start moving them around. It must just be behind one of the others. So 5 minutes later I finally give up. They don't have it. F'n communists.
But still, no worries. There's a White Hen right next door, and they've always had it in the past. The tubs of ice cream have always been in the 2nd freezer thing on the floor (don't ask why I memorized that). So I walk in and head to where the 2nd freezer should be. And guess what, it's not there! Just some bottled water on the floor instead. So now they only have 1/2 the ice cream they used to, and guess what's no longer there. Son of a f'n bitch.
3 strikes, I'm out. I'm now too angry and frustrated to care about ice cream and just head home and have a few beers to take the edge off. Followed by a few more, cause I felt like it. Then a few more, cause I was already started. And I always like to finish what I've started.

Son of a....

Well, the Cubs decided to go into their annual summer slump a little early this year. They just can't seem to put it together this week and not suck. Our pitchers have really been getting the job done (until today), but our hitters just strait up dropped the ball in San Diego. Losing games 1-0, 2-1 with the line-up that we have is just unacceptable. I know we're missing Derrick Lee and all, but we still have a very solid line-up. Guys have just not been getting the job done.

Gas Prices
I, for one, am glad that gas prices are going up. People here have gotten very spoiled with our cheap gas and got wasteful with it. When you're driving a F-150 as just a commuting vehicle, you've got some problems. The gigantic SUVs, the same. If you have a family to drive around, then by all means you should have a large car. And if you can't live with a minivan or sporty wagon, then get an SUV.
If you've gotten yourself an SUV for the status symbol aspect of it, then you have no right to bitch about the cost of gas. You went out of your way to buy a vehicle with the worst milage around. If you didn't want to spend so much on gas, then you should have chosen better when you got your car.
In Europe they've been paying upwards of $5/gal for years. You don't hear them bitching about it non-stop. Or waging wars in order to supply a never-ending thirst for oil. If we really want something to change in the cost to drive, we need to develop some alternative fuels. We've got a few out there that look like they may be able to help, but only if companies start putting the time and money behind them to really start maxing them out.

Baseball
I'm happy to report that my back was healed well enough to allow me to play some baseball today. I'm still rusty from all the time off, but it was great to be out there. Pitched 4 good innings and played some great defense in center field. Had a nice running catch deep in CF to end an inning, and snagged a couple line drives on the run in another. But I still can't hit for a shit. Which is why I'll be hitting the batting cage this week. A guy from baseball just opened his own right near work, so it'll be a nice stop on the way home. And I can check it out and see how he's doing.

Okay, I need to finish off watch some Gundum Wing, then watch a little baseball, then get to bed. I'll need my rest tonight, as I'm pretty sore from baseball today. Real sore.
PEACE!!!

Funny Story From Denver Trip

Okay, funny story time. So gather around little kiddies!

First off, I need to state that I have no problem with homosexuals. Never have, never will. Hell, one of my gay friends told me I was the most inquisitive strait man he'd ever talked to. No, not that kinda curious, just about when he knew he was gay, how'd the people around him react, etc, etc, etc. Now then, I've also been told by a gay guy that there is no way anyone would confuse me for gay, even if I said I was. I guess I'm just not believable as a gay.
So here I am in Denver, at the HomeBrewFest party ripping it up. I'm running around in shorts and a wife beater, which is par for me at any party event when obnoxiousness is afoot. I've spent my day mingling with various people, new friends, the hosts etc. I have my wonderful girlfriend, so obviously I'm not making any moves on the ladies. Not that any of my moves ever worked, but that's not the point. So I'm watching a game of beirut, waiting for our turn and talking to some guy. So then for no reason, he kinda brushes up against me. He has a long-sleeve shirt on, but it's still kinda weird. But accidents do happen and there's alot of drinking going on. Drunk people are not known for their balance skills. So I pass it off as an accident and shift the other way a little bit.
Keep talking, and it happens again. He's subtle about it, but it's becoming clear that it's probably not an accident. I mean, at some poing he had to take a 1/2 step toward me to account for me shifting away after the first time. And I'm in just a wife-beater, so I don't really have alot of clothing buffer here. And then I start noticing other small behaviors. Like the 'pat on the shoulder' move after a funny comment. And other classic guy flirting moves. Being a guy, they're quite easy to pick up on. I wonder if girls can spot them just as easily...
Obviously I'm not angered by this. Or upset by it. It's really rather flattering, but I kinda need to know if this is all in my head, or if he's gay and is working me. Trouble is, no one really knew who the guy was or where he came from. None of my buddies that were hosting knew him, and the couple other 'trustable' people I knew there had no idea.
So now I'm wondering why I've been tagged as gay. Maybe it's from the fact I've been talking to a few of the girls and acting like I have no interest in anything more than talking. And my girlfriend isn't there to give a rational reason for it. And if no one knows him, he doesn't know anything about me and my quite straitness. And then there is all my.......gay habits. The ass-slapping, using bad pick-up lines on my friends, the unconfortable touching (hand on the knee, around the shoulders, etc) that's just funny to us, but if you don't know us it may appear that I'm gay. And hence, why all of those things are funny to us. I mean, I do it because it's gay! And funny, because none of us are homophobes.
The anticlimactic part is that I never found out. For all I know, it was all in my drunken mind. But he did seek me out to talk to 1-on-1 a few other times that night. And it just didn't really have that 'strait-guy to strait-guy' feel to it. Like when you're talking to some girl at a party. I sure they can pick up rather quickly if you're talking to them just for the conversation or if you're there on the prowl. So I did my best to not give any impression of being gay and interested and kept up my typically party routine of running around like a druken idiot with the attention span of a 2-year-old.

And for anyone wondering what that party was like....
http://www.homebrewfest.bravehost.com/
The pics are just from 1 person, but they do give a good over-view of the event. I'm easy to spot, as I'm the only idiot wearing a wife beater. No pics of the suspected gay guy, but maybe I can drum up one from someone else's collection of photos. If I can, you'll see it up here shortly.

PEACE!!!