Nature vs Nurture

So we're getting down to crunch time. We're down to only 9 days until the due date, so I realistically could be a dad at any moment. Lately I've been thinking about the various personality traits that Hayley and I have and which will be picked up by the baby. I'm not sure exactly how much is nature vs nurture, but I'm not sure that's really going to matter much. Whether or not you pick up traits from your parents because of your genes or because they raised you, you still pick them up. And at the end of the day that's all that matters. I figure the one thing we can count on is the kid being anal and borderline OCD. That's the one thing we both share. It's not bad for either of us, but it pops up. Most of mine show up as the various "superstitions" I have about sports. For hockey, I get dressed in the same order every time. I hang up my stuff to dry a specific way. Baseball had similar OCD things. Hayley likes to clean up the table at restaurants when we're done eating. Stacks up the plates and silverware and napkins. I typically then un-stack everything just to provoke her. Re-spread the used napkins and straw wrappers across the table. Good times. I think the first that will start to come out will be how the kid reacts to situations that require help. When Hayley is working on something and needs help, she usually just wants the solution. She's not interested in getting some help getting back on track to figuring out the solution; she just wants the answer. I on the other hand like to go through the process so that I know what I did wrong and what I was missing. Naturally I also assume everyone else does. That is what usually leads to trouble in our house now and what might lead to new trouble very soon. My niece Evie shows a 3rd option; never wanting any help. If you try to help her with a puzzle she can get pretty upset at you. I'm hoping our kid picks option 1 or 2 so we don't have all 3 of us butting heads at times. One of the other ones that will probably come out early will be reaction to pain/injury. Hayley tends to be more normal. When she hurts herself you know it. She makes an audible noise, tends to avoid covering it up if something is bothering her, etc. I on the other hand will do whatever I can to hide it. I can drop a pot on my foot and would make barely a sound. It's not that it doesn't hurt; I just don't want anyone to know that I just got hurt and so I silently swear and writhe in pain. And playing sports only reinforces that. If someone drills you in the leg with a slap-shot you don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing it hurt. Same thing if you get plunked in the ribs with a pitch. You bite your tongue and play even harder to act like it didn't affect you. And If you are hurt, you do whatever you can to not come out of the game. This one might take a couple years at least to show up. Obviously we're not going to be helicopter parents that run over and dote over our kid every time they get a bump or a scratch. But until they are old enough to decide for themselves how they want to handle it, we won't know the path they take. Obviously there are dozens, maybe even hundreds of behaviors and personality traits that will be decided. And I'm sure we'll discover new ones every month. Every time the baby does something...unfortunate we'll be arguing and who they got that habit from. And then fighting to claim all of the good things. And what I'm really hoping for right now is that the baby inherits my propensity for sleeping soundly and eating heartily. If I get nothing else on what will very likely not be my first father's day, I'd be a happy man.

Bahamas Drunken Moron

A few weeks back Hayley and I decided to take 1 last vacation before the baby showed up. A last hurrah, if you will. So off to the Bahamas we went for a 5-day mini vacation in the sun. And while the entire trip was full of great memories of sun, sand, fishing, snorkeling, relaxing, there was 1 particular hour that really capped it all off quite nicely. One of those great “dude, you gotta hear what this retard did” stories. It’s late afternoon, sunny, and a little bit cool, so we decide to stroll down to the pool deck and hang out in the lounge chairs for awhile until it’s time for dinner (late reservation that night). There’s really no one down there so it’s rather peaceful…to start. We’ve got a small group of ~3 girls and 1 dude near us just chilling out relaxing by the pool. At some point the 2 dudes drinking at the pool bar decide they need to get their attention. I’m not sure if there is history b/t the groups, but it appears likely. Especially when our main character, we’ll call him John, yells from the bar at one of the girls “Hey, sorry I called you a bitch!” Needless to say, their requests that the ladies come have a drink in the pool with them fall on deaf ears. Another 5 minutes of harassment and they all get up and leave. The time eventually comes for me to refresh my own adult beverage. And naturally John and his less-drunk buddy are now on the non-pool side of the bar, raising my odds of getting sucked into their game of shots, cat-calls, and yelling. All things I’m normally down for, except when on vacation with my pregnant wife in a foreign country with questionable legal and medical systems. Fortunately I escape, drink in hand, with just the not-surprising knowledge that John isn’t there to get a girl, or a guy, and just wanted to get f**ked up. That was his actual response when the bartender suggested he back off on the shots cause if he got too drunk he wouldn’t be able to score any girls. Classy guy, that John. I’m sure everyone knows how the next 60 minutes go. John is really happy and trying to get all the employees to do shots with him. And degrading the ones that won’t. The staff just laughs at the stupid college kid making an ass out of himself. But that magical tipping point is reached and it rapidly descends into anger and stumbling around getting combative. The polite tux-wearing staff come outside and try to talk him into going to his room. His buddy tries to talk him into just heading to his room. John response? Telling them to ‘step to him’, while staggering around. Several attempts at sitting on lounge chairs end in him flipping the chair over and crashing to the deck. So now at this point people are watching from their balconies. Hayley and I are keeping an eye on this to judge when it’s time to just get up and leave before we’re on the wrong end on the developments. Hayley is also concerned about having to do some doctor shit on this moron when he falls and cracks his head open on the pool deck. At this point Miguel comes strolling out to the pool area. Miguel’s dressed in dark kacki and just has that look in his eye. You know he’s the closer. Part of you hopes John realizes that and just walks away; part of you hopes John asks Miguel to step to him. When John’s buddy puts his hands in the air and leaves, it’s a pretty good sign you know how it’s going to end. Some talking later and Miguel heads off to get a wheel chair to roll John out of there. Seems he’s having a little bit of trouble staying upright enough to walk. Shockingly, he does get in the chair and appears ready to just call it a day. But at the last second, as they were about to leave the pool area, he hits the brake and starts mouthing off to Miguel. When he loudly tells Miguel that he’ll kill him, Miguel calmly tells him, “You do what you have to do.” (One of my favorite parts of the entire exchange. It was delivered just like in a bad action movie immediately preceding the hero busting up some guy.) Apparently what John had to do was jump out of the chair, stumble a few feet away and continue to shit-talk Miguel. Now, I didn’t hear exactly what he said, but he found Miguel’s trigger. And that didn’t end well for John. He dodged the first punch, but that second right hook landed. And before the rest of the staff could get in and pull Miguel off he’d landed another head shot and a half-dozen solid kidney shots. Of course John isn’t done. No one tends to him, so he drags himself up off of the pool deck…and proceeds to stumble into the pool. At which point Hayley, and an EMT we befriended during this exchange, anxiously pray that he surfaces. He does, resumes lobbing profanity-laced taunts at the staff, and wanders across the pool to the far side. Now, that side of the pool had a dozen concrete lounge chairs rising a couple inches above the water. Just high enough to keep your body out of the body for some in-pool sun bathing. But the important part is that they’re made out of pool-deck material. So cement, covered in ceramic tile. Jutting above the surface of the water. So in yet another scene that appeared ripped from a bad movie, John drags himself out of the pool, stands just long enough to yell something at Miguel, then takes that one fateful misstep over the edge of the pool. We all just watch as he falls face-first into one of the slabs of tiled cement. And yeah, it makes that sickening, slapping a waterbed sound in real life. Luckily for John he landed face-first, instead of back-of-the-head style, so all he got was a busted-up face. He bled pretty good and likely suffered a broken orbital bone. Given what just happened to him, he didn’t look that bad as they wheeled him out in the now-acceptable wheelchair. But he still looked like a dude that was about to go to a Bahamas hospital to have his face stitched up and x-rayed before going to visit a Bahamas jail. I was chatting with one of the tux-wearing staff as they wheeled him out and asked if he’d been a problem before that afternoon. Turns out he’d been causing trouble the night before and almost got knocked the f**k out. See, you never know when seemingly harmless hotel worker you’re barking at and taunting is also an amateur boxer trying to make ends meet. Miguel looked pretty proficient in throwing hands; an amateur boxer would have needed just 1 quick shot to end John’s night. And with that, we were free to resume reading on the now-vacant pool deck. Cause we still had a few hours to kill off until it was dinner time. And surprisingly there wasn’t any line at the bar, so my pina colada runs were even quicker. Good times.

Limbaugh is a twat, but should absolutely keep his job.

Rush Limbaugh is at it again. I’m sure no one is shocked that he said something extremely conservative and shocking on his radio program. He’s the right-wing version of “shock jocks” (a term that is kinda ridiculous) like Opie & Anthony and Howard Stern. He just keeps his rants to the right-wing conservative agenda and avoids stunts like having listeners engage in sexual activity in a famous NY church. In case you’ve been living in seclusion for the past week here’s what happened. Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke has been advocating before Congress to increase the availability of contraception methods such as birth control pills. Rush Limbaugh, and many other conservatives, felt that insurance companies and pharmacies should not be forced to cover and distribute these products. As a part of his broadcast Rush went on to label Ms. Fluke as a slut and prostitute based on the incorrect idea that you require more birth control pills if you’re having more sex. Now there are various groups calling for Rush to be suspended and/or fired for his comments. Celebrities and other personalities that have gone through similar circumstances in the past are being interviewed for their opinions. As I see it, there are 2 main issues raised in this little exchange. First is the obvious one regarding a woman’s sexual rights. This is one of the few times that I actually see eye-to-eye on a social issue with my friend Julie. She believes strongly in a woman’s right to stand on the same sexual footing as men. She has participated in the Slut Walk in Boston and often engages in conversations on the issue at gatherings. (Yes, these often become uncomfortable to watch.) Essentially the root of the issue is that women are expected to remain chaste and never have sex. Any woman that does engage in open sexual relationships with multiple partners is labeled a slut, whore, etc. Men that do the same are either applauded for their efforts or at worst simply seen as doing what guys do. Men aren’t held to this same, archaic, sexual standard of chastity. I don’t hear anyone complaining about their insurance covering Viagra and Cialis. And those are drugs whose dosage is dependent on frequency of sex and therefore do lead to men being paid to have sex. Do Christian Scientists rally against having to pay for medicare even though they don’t believe in medical science? On the other hand, a company’s insurance plan should not be forced to cover any specific medication or treatment. I’ve had many plans over the years and have had various medicines covered to different degrees. Your employer should be free to decide what level of coverage they will provide for their employees. If the employees don’t like it they are free to purchase additional insurance or find a new employer that provides an insurance package more to their liking. The federal government has no business telling private companies what they do and don’t have to offer. Issue #2 is Rush’s right to say what he said about Ms. Fluke. The first amendment does protect Rush’s right to go in public and call Ms. Fluke a slut so long as it does not impact her pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness, or cause a danger to public safety. The fact that he did it as a part of his radio show is a slightly different situation, but given that his job is to express his personal views to anyone that wants to listen, he should be protected. If you don’t want to listen to what he is saying you don’t have to set your radio to his broadcast. Simple solution. He in no way has impeded Ms. Fluke from pursuing a career and living her life. I get called much worse things by better people than Rush and it doesn’t bother me. I do what I do knowing that not everyone will like it. Now then, people are freely allowed to get upset by what he said. But just because someone said something that upset you doesn’t mean that person needs to be silenced. If that was the case no one would be able to say anything to anyone. If you’re riding the subway and mention to a friend that you support gay marriage you very likely offended someone within ear-shot. Does that mean you need to be silenced and chastised for your view? How about we expand this to the international realm? Different cultures have different moral standards. Should all Western media be banned and silenced in Islamic regions because they find our views on women to be offensive? I’m not, however, saying that people should just take it and do nothing. If you find Rush’s comments to be offensive and against your values, don’t listen. He will remain on the radio as long as ratings dictate it. Try to enlighten other people on why you feel his comments were wrong without attacking him. Stop using products/services that advertise on his show. I even support people contacting those advertisers to inform them that you are no longer purchasing their product/service because of their alignment with Limbaugh. What people shouldn’t be doing is campaigning to remove him from the airways. If we start setting this precedent that people that say things that upset someone get silenced, where does it end? Who decides what is a noble cause to revolt against and say offensive things about and what isn’t? When a conservative is attacked and insulted as ignorant for not supporting gay marriage why is there no outrage? Why aren’t stations pressured to fire those personalities? It’s a double-standard and a dangerous one. At the end of the day I don’t think anything is going to happen. Rush will possibly receive a paid suspension and temporarily lose a few of his 600+ syndicated stations and numerous advertisers. And 6 months from now it’ll probably be like nothing ever happened. Sandra Fluke will keep up her campaign for contraception availability and be in no way hindered, and likely helped, by what Rush said. People are just too easy to become “outraged” and too easy to move on. (While I think Julie is insane and rarely agree with her methods and delivery, I do respect that she does not back down for the things she believes in and feels strongly about. She’ll attack me today no differently that she would have 5 years ago for saying the things I sometimes say. And she actively supports and campaigns for her causes.) I’d like to add that I fully support gay marriage. It’s just a very good topic to use as a counter-point in this discussion. In no way am I advocating against it or against the people that support it and rally behind it.

New Years Resolution

Ahh, the New Year. 2012. Everything seems so fresh and clean….and then you read the news and find out Philly was able to book 5 murders in the wee hours of the night number 1. That’s one hell of a pace. I’m hoping Philadelphia is the Tuffy Rhodes of cities, or we’re looking at some kind of record here. ($1 to the first person who gets the reference WITHOUT using the internet.) Regardless, this is the time of year that most people start making resolutions. It’s all you hear about on the news. It causes a noticeable rise in the number of exercise-related infomercials. Every douchey morning talk radio show has a bit about what resolutions people are making. I’m not a big fan of New Years resolutions. If you wanted to make big, sweeping changes in your life, why do you have to wait until the middle of winter to do it? Do you really need the changing of the year to motivate you? Why not just decide to do these things when you think of them instead of stacking them all together in January and claiming you’ll do them all before the next January? Even worse are the people that talk about how they make resolutions every year and actually do very few of them. You’d think they’d be smart enough to just stop making the resolutions every year if they know going into it that they’ll fail. Or at least be smart enough not to talk about how you make claims and promises that you can’t keep. Of course, the fact that they already assume failure while making new resolutions is part of the reason they fail. Once your expectations are set for failure, there isn’t really any punishment when you do fail. It’s why Cubs fans are so happy year after year. We talk a big game, but we don’t really think they’ll win it all next year. When they’re mathematically eliminated by the end of June it hurts less when you kind of expected it. Except for this year. 2012 is totally the year they finally win it all. It’s all part of Armageddon. Here’s one of the few times where I think we can take something from the corporate world and actually make it useful in real life. Think of your resolutions as a year-end performance review with yourself. You review how you did last year and then set your goals for the upcoming year. The real trick to making this work is having some system of rewards/punishments. At work, your reward for achieving your goals typically is a raise, bonus, and/or some type of promotion. Failure means not getting a raise, demotion, and eventually being told to hit the bricks. Real life can be much more fun, especially when it comes to the punishments. If we steal a page from How I Met Your Mother, you can make a Resolution Slap Bet with a friend. Let’s say you make 5 resolutions. For each one that you fail at, your friend gets to slap you in the face as hard as they want. That will definitely make you think long and hard about the resolutions you do make to ensure that they’re reasonable and can’t be undermined by outside parties. Saying you’ll get a 10% raise at work would be a pretty stupid one, as that is more dependant on the company’s performance rather than your own hard work. You’ll also make sure that you have a really clear pass/fail system in place. Nothing vague like ‘I resolve to be nicer to people this year’. You’re going to get slapped for that one no matter what you do. This probably wouldn’t work for everyone. You need a malicious friend that has no qualms with hitting you in the face. I have several, but I’d like to think my friends are degenerate animals and other people wouldn’t have such a deep talent pool. But even if you don’t go for physical abuse, you could just as easily set a non-violent reward/punishment. I’m sure most couples can think of dozens of things they’d like the other person to do that could be used. You could bet money on each resolution, so long as the money isn’t being exchanged b/t people sharing accounts. I have no problem giving Hayley $100, since it’s just going back into a joint account. Whatever it is, it just needs to be something that only can be triggered by the pass/fail of the resolutions and is strong enough to motivate you. Betting a friend $5 that I’ll do 10 crazy resolutions isn’t going to do squat. Now if you put some extra 0s in there, then you have something that will get me moving. And no, I’m still not making any resolutions. I don’t really feel like getting cracked in the face on New Years Eve 2012. Besides, there’s usually a non-trivial chance of that happening anyways, making it pointless to tie that to a resolution.