Gonna Go Back in Time

So the other night Hayley and I were watching the show "Bones", as is our routine, and they dropped in an intriguing plot distraction. The show itself has gotten pretty bad in the last couple of seasons. It really has followed a similar tragectory to "House". Starts out focused on a science and problem solving core with some drama and character development worked in. But every season it becomes harder and harder to come up with new problem-solving tasks and so they have to start working in more and more drama and character work. And soon it becomes a sitcom with some technical stuff worked in when necessary to keep the plot moving. Anyways, the distraction was the concept of time-travel, and if you could go back in time to relive 1 day/event what would it be. This decision becomes a little more complicated for me. I'm sure most people who know me know I have a very laid-back attitude towards even life's big events. While this is great is staying calm and relaxed and being able to enjoy things without getting stressed out, it comes at a price. I often miss out on the 'gravity' of big events. When you treat things like just another day, the big days lose some of the excitement that comes from acknowledging that it's not just another day and handling all those extra emotions and extra stress. I've been this way for a long, long time and this is no surprise to me. It all stems from a pretty dark summer after freshman year of high school. Aka, the same thing every all teenagers go through to one extent or another. I caught a couple bad breaks while some good friends caught some really good breaks. Couple that with the standard-issue turmoil that comes from that age and you can easy get a bad situation. Nothing horribly bad, as I did have a good group of friends around me, but still getting to a pretty dark place for awhile. I just couldn't handle the lows that stem from getting all excited about the possibility of something happening and then watching it fall through. Sometimes it's a girl, sometimes it's a big event that you're planning, whatever. That crushing low you get when everything falls apart would wreck me. So I responded by just not getting that anticipatory high. If I stopped getting excited ahead of things, the potential low was greatly reduced. So I gave up the big highs to prevent the big lows. I'm sure there's some ingrained part of my personality that allows for this to work. You have to be naturally laid-back to go this route. If I'd lived for the rush you get at the possibilities and the thrill of the chase, I'd never have ended up this way. So when I start looking back at the big days in my life, part of me would really like to go back and do them again and let myself get swept up in the roller coaster. I have so many great memories of our wedding day (not the least of which is our entrance to For Those About to Rock, one of the greatest songs in the history of music), but I still lack that depth that comes from the stress emotions. Myles' birth is a bit different, as I'd really like to go back to Wednesday 6/27, 2 days before he was born. I still remember making some dinner and getting ready to go play hockey when I got The Call. She was being induced and it was time to run Tyler to boarding, grab our bags, and run down to HUP (all without doing anything silly like blasting around the Schuykill Expwy at 80+ mph). What I'd like to do is go back and tell past Jarod that we'd have a day and a half to kill and that I should play hockey and THEN go to the hospital. No need to rush down there. And to bring our air mattress so I'd have a reasonable place to sleep Wednesday and Thursday night. Details. And with that, it's time to take the aforementioned Myles up for a nap. He's a stompy little eye-rubbing fussyphus right now. Fingers crossed for a solid 2-hour nap and not a 20-minute cat nap. While I won't get excited at the possibility of a long nap, I can still get disappointed if it doesn't happen. PEACE!!

I'm an underappreciated minority!!

I realized the other week that I'm finally a part of an under-appreciated and ignored minority; fathers who take on the bulk of household and child-rearing duties! There are plenty of articles and conversations regarding the plight of the stay-at-home dad. But little is ever discussed about the dads who work full-time and still take on the bulk of household and baby duties. I never really thought much about this until a couple weekends ago. Running a household was something I signed up for when I married Hayley. Back in Boston she was working ~100 hours/week during residency, which meant that I took on just about everything else. All the cooking, taking care of the dog, house/yard chores like garbage and mowing the lawn, maintaining 2 cars, and fixing anything that broke. When we moved to Philly and she started Fellowship, I knew not much would change. We were renting, so there was less house repair, but otherwise nothing changed. And when we decided to have a baby, I knew that I was going to have to shoulder more of the work. Hayley and I talked about it and it was no secret. She'd have to start chipping in more, but her schedule really didn't allow her much flexibility or openings. No biggie. If we wanted to have a baby before 2015 that was the sacrifice I'd have to make. It was a easy decision. I never really thought about the way most people view a father's role in the home/baby world until the other weekend while away for a weekend ski trip. Most people, including myself until recently, pretty much assume that the mother does the lion's share of the work and the father just fills in when necessary and fixes the house when it's broken. Except in our case, that's not even close to the truth. Because of Hayley's schedule, which is completely inflexible and often requires 12+ hour days, she has trouble keeping up with day-to-day activities, let alone emergencies. Unless she comes down with the Marburg virus, she doesn't get a sick day. On a good rotation she's able to handle either a drop-off or pick-up at day care every day along with putting him to bed every other night and helping get him ready in the morning. On a bad rotation, sometimes she can't do any of those things. Which means it all falls to me. On top of everything else going on. If Myles gets sick, guess who takes the day off of work to stay home with him. Dog hurts his leg again (we have the canine Kerry Wood), I'm taking a 1/2-day to run to the vet. Hayley's over-night and weekend calls? Me. And so on and so forth. But again, nothing I'm upset about or regret or want any sympathy for. I'm thrilled with my life and love everything that goes on. I've got a fantastic wife, the cutest happiest baby ever, a loyal goofy injury-prone dog, and a job I really like. But then comes in a friend of a friend who decides to take a couple of pot-shots at me for leaving the wife and baby behind for a weekend snowboard trip. The first time I've spent more than 12 hours away from Myles in his entire 7-month life. And yeah, it pissed me off a bit. Cause I know they wouldn't had said the same things to a new mom away for a weekend. Quite the opposite, I'd wager. They'd likely be telling a mother how much she deserves that weekend away and how her slacker husband can shoulder some of the work for a change. (At least I'd hope so. No one should ever give a new mom a hard time for anything.) So why would an otherwise overly nice person give me a shit for enjoying a couple responsibility-free days? Hopefully it was just some friendly ribbing gone horribly wrong. Cause when a single person with no kids and no pets implies you can't handle being a dad, it's a pretty safe bet they have absolutely no idea what it takes to be married to a doctor and serve as the primary caregiver for a family while working full-time. If they did have an idea they'd have gotten me another beer and asked me if I needed a back massage. So why do I bring this up? It's not for some selfish need to get sympathy or pity or anything like that. I'm perfectly content with where I'm at and would really prefer NOT to get those. Unless pity means bringing me a Hop-15 and a deep-dish pizza. Then I would like some pity. Yeah, partly it's to air a grievance in a passive-aggressive way. But the primary reason is just to make people think twice before they give a dad a hard time. In this day, where women place a higher priority on their careers and men place a higher priority on being an active dad, it's irresponsible to assume that the woman is handling the majority of home duties. So when you see a dad out for a drunken night with the guys, or a weekend away with friends, think twice before you give him crap about his skills as a husband and father. He's likely shouldering more responsibility on a daily basis then you'll deal with in an entire year. PEACE!!