Random Garbage

This shall be a clearing of various garbage and baggage I've been dragging around.
1) Wolf's Rain
For those that don't know, this is a kick-ass anime series that I started watching with my now dead ex-roommate and friend. It was a part of our Friday Night Usual. Which was staying up til ~4am drinking way too much Budweiser, playing too much MarioKart, and watching anime. When he could get the DVDs from NetFlix, we'd watch Wolf's Rain. Since his death, I've continued the series with his sister in order to finish it. Partly to see the whole thing, partly as a way to honor Jack. It was a big effort. Many, many hours were spent watching this. And guess what, the ending was quite disturbing. In short, a disappointment. I've been bitter about it ever since. I can't believe I put in all that time and they couldn't even end that thing right. I mean, the journey was great and I wouldn't trade that for anything. But part of the fun was waiting to see the ending and see the good guys finally get what they were working so hard to accomplish. And I just know that somewhere, Jack was laughing his ass off watching me see the end of that series. Knowing full well the let-down that was coming. I even shook my fist at him up there. I'll probably never have closure about how things went down that last night, so I guess it's fitting that series didn't have any closure for me either.

2) My Wonderful Girlfriend, Hayley
As yes, "the GF". I didn't want to toss her name around here, as I didn't know if she'd be cool with it. Some people are worried about privacy, security, and the like. What was my reward? Her complaining that she was only mentioned twice in all the previous entries. So here you go, Hayley!
Those that know me, know I love her more than anything else in the world. I make alot of 'gravy train' jokes, lots of jokes about 'doing bitches' and the like. But deep down, she's all I live for right now. Everything I do I think about doing it with her. When I play baseball, I can't wait to come home to her after baseball. Hockey, same thing. No one else loves hearing my stories about how well I play in this stuff. Hell, no one else seems so entertained by my bad stories and retarded rantings. And now we're both just waiting for when the time is right to take the next move. When will that be? I don't know. Tomorrow? Next month? Next year? Who knows....

3) Derrek Lee
That damn goat curse. Hey, all you Red Sox fans that bitched about the curse of the Bambino, eat a dick! You had a fake curse. Ruth never cursed the team. No one did. It was just bad teams and bad luck and bad management coupled with a terribly negative attitute in this city. The fans here were just so bitter and unhappy they needed some excuse. We have a real curse. A man actually cursed us and we are actually cursed with horrible things. Case in point, Derrek Lee's freak injury. He was, and is, the heart and soul of this team. The rightful NL MVP last year. Gold Glove winner, Silver Slugger, single-handedly carried the Cubs for all of last year. And now, he's hurt and out for 2-3 months. I'm an optimist and I believe we still have the ability and skill to win it all this year. We just have to stay afloat for a couple months until Derrek is back. And we have more than enough bats to do it, if our pitching starts throwing like we all know they can. Will it be hard? Yes. But someone else will step up and take charge for this team in his absence.

4) What's Wrong With My Head
Ahhhhh, yes. What's been up with me. Sure, Chauncey Michaels seems invincible. Blessed with an unending depth of anger and sarcasm, yet seemingly so shallow and easy to please. But you know what they say, still waters run deep. I hate to drag things down here, but I just can't help it. So for those that aren't interested, feel free to just jump out now. This shall be the end of tonight's 'work'.
Lately, I seem to be just caught up in a dissatisfaction with my life. Either that, or I'm just stuck in neutral. Both of which are pretty true, but both are feeding off each other and are partly out of my control. A large part of me has zero desire to ever grow up and act like anything more than a college kid. Party hard, act like an idiot. But now all around me, everyone is growing up. People getting married or getting involved in serious relationships. No one parties quite so hard any more, as they have homes and other serious things to deal with. Sure, we rip it up sometimes, but it's just not the same. On top of that, I'm stuck in a sort of neutral area with Hayley. She's in NYC and I'm in Boston for at least the next year or so. So as want to spend all my time with her, and do all the things I want to do, I can't. Everyone else I know gets to have those things except for me. Petty and jealous, yes. I hate to admit it. But I'm jealous of everyone else that gets to do everything those things with their significant others. And I hate that I feel this way.
On top of that, I don't really care for my job right now. I'm bored every day, the company doesn't really show much respect for those of us that are left, and I don't see much changing too soon. So why don't I leave? Well, until Hayley finds out where her residency is going to be, it's not worth finding a new job and buying a place here. Cause I may be moving in a year. So I'm kinda trapped there as well. Yes, I could find another job if I really hated it there. But I don't hate it enough to warrent the extra work of finding a new job that I may have to quit in a year. It's just not worth it.
The frosting on the cake...surprisingly enough, I don't like being caught in situations that are outside of my control. I don't mine letting everyone else make decisions and just follow along, as long as I have the ability to veto them if I don't like it. It's how I roll! But now I'm caught up in something that I have very little control over. And any attempt to take control would probably end up in me losing the only thing I really want to keep in all this. Hayley. If I try to lay down the law and say I'm not moving from Boston, buy a condo, get a new job, and she doesn't get a residency in Boston... Or what if she has to take one that she doesn't really want in order to be with me? That's just putting her through the same things I'm going through now!
And to really top it off, I seem to have lost most of the things that I did better than others. The things that seperated me from everyone else. So I feel like I've lost some of my identity. Again, silly and petty. But that's just the way it is.
But I'm a tough cracker on the inside and I'll be fine. I'll just find other things to keep me entertained while the next year plays itself out. I'm sure I'll be able to make it out fine. I've been through worse and lived to laugh about it later. And this shall be no different! So to all, I wish you a good night. If you've actually made it this far and read all of this, bless you. You're a better person than I.
RESPECT!!