Because of Hayley’s chosen profession, I’m often sucked into conversations that I really have no desire to be in. However, I have learned that my dry, sarcastic wit and lack of thinking before speaking would make me a poor doctor. Case in point: Hayley and a friend were discussing how often they get women in the delivery room requesting that their cesarean scar be placed such that you can’t see it when they’re wearing a bikini. To them this is a no-brainer. Of course you want to do that! My first thought? That it would be funny to tell a certain group of these women that it’s not going to matter where the scar is since they really won’t have any business wearing a bikini ever again. And no, not just because they’re having kids. Lots of women return to their former shape after popping out a kid or 2. But clearly some of the women requesting this consideration are not going to fall into that category. Most probably didn’t have a bikini body before getting knocked-up and it’s all just wishful thinking. Or some other women mentioned it as something they need to request. Like when guys make sure their cars can be lowered, the trunk can fit a large subwoofer, and the wheel wells can hold 22s before they buy it. You’ll never do that stuff, but you like to make believe that you will. Anyways, I doubt that the patient in question would find that quip very amusing and instead of laughing would file some kind of lawsuit the very next day.
(Some of you may remember my suggestion that any time Hayley does a natural child-birth that she treat it like a QB going under center. Don’t just look under the curtain and give encouragement, bark out some pre-snap checks and go into a snap count! “Green 15! Green 15! Topper! Topper! hut HUT!” I think that’d be awesome, but apparently would just lead to a malpractice suit.)
I’ve identified another silver lining to my shoulder surgery rehab. While I couldn’t play hockey and do much at the gym and had plenty of free time, I started working as a scorekeeper for HNA (the hockey league I play in). You work the clock and fill out the score sheet (goals, penalties, shots, rosters, etc) and get $20 league credit for each game you do. One of the rinks is literally 5 minutes from my house, so it was a pretty easy gig. But this isn’t just about piling up nearly $1000 in league credit. There was something more important that should come out of this. I’m now on friendly terms with most of the referees that do HNA games, especially with 2 of the guys that do most of the games at the nearby rink. This should lead to some favorable calls for me and hopefully our team. Any questionable penalties should go my way and maybe even a question goal here or there. I’m not positive that the refs will tilt a game towards guys they’re friendly with but it really can’t hurt. They have to be less likely to call a ticky-tack penalty on someone they know. I’m looking forward to seeing how this all shakes out in July when the summer season starts up. I’ll have to start paying attention to what refs are calling what things for/against us. See if there is any difference in the calls depending on how well I got to know that set of refs. Don’t worry, there’ll be updates. I’d consider doing write-ups of the games, but I really don’t pay close enough attention to remember what happened the next day. I may offer to keep track of stats since the league does such a terrible job of that.
Done and Done.
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